...But I'm Kind Of Loving It.

It's funny. One morning you wake up and realize you're doing exactly what you've always wanted to do with your life. It doesn't look just how you've pictured it, but there's a beauty about it that's even better than expected. You see the hardwork you've put in. You see the growth that's come out of harder times. You see how perfectly it's all unfolded. And then suddenly, the dust settles and the road ahead is clear. You release the old and surrender to the unknown. Because at one time what is now was unknown and look how amazing it is. Sit for a moment and take it all in.

Yesterday was a heavy day. We lost innocent souls. Who knows why, but the grief has rippled across the country like a tidal wave. I had an anxiety filled week. There was no specific reason to blame for it, just the normal "life is hard" case of the worries. But then I was quickly reminded, along with millions of others, how precious each day is. It's the best cliche to ever use. Life is precious and not guaranteed. So yes, I will be cliche and use that cliche as often as possible to remind myself to cherish each moment, express my love fully for others and my Self and won't take what I have for granted.

So then I wake up today, bright and early, for another 4 am trip. As I'm getting ready to leave the house, it dawns on me that, here I am, doing the exact thing, living the exact life, I've always wanted. It's had a few revisions over the years, but more or less, this is it. I'm boarding a plane for a last minute studio session to then fly home 12 hours later and rehearse for a show tomorrow. I'll also be in the studio tomorrow morning. Then we have the first Sycamore Showcase, something I've dreamt of for a year...well, honestly more like 20. And then more studio time the next day. Then another show on Friday. And maybe Sunday.

So what I'm trying to say is I'm loving my life. I'm loving how caught off guard I am by all of it, every day. I love that I don't know what's coming next because it's sure fun to be surprised. There are things I look forward to, absolutely, but for the first time in my life, I'm learning to trust that they will all come in their own perfect time. There's no need to rush or push or try to orchestrate anything. Life and God have already taken care of that. I'm good. I get to play every day and enjoy the hell out of this lifetime. I'd say that's something to smile about. And keep on smiling about.